Sunday, October 27, 2013

On Learning to Fail


 
Turns out working as a medical interpreter is rather hard.  And by rather, I actually mean really, really, really.  This past Wednesday was my first attempt to step into that role, and boy did I flounder!  My task was 1) to get a refugee family to the hospital on time for their 6:30 am appointment and then 2) serve as an interpreter for the outpatient operation that one of the family members required.  And folks, truth be told, I utterly failed on both counts!
We wound up making it to the hospital a whopping thirty minutes late for the appointment, a thing that was more than a little bit frowned upon by the operating staff.  My arrival at the family’s apartment had inadvertently functioned as their wake up call, so we left later than intended, and then, once there, I got us 100% lost within the compound of medical buildings and hospitals, which resulted in us circling the whole place (in the cold.  and the dark.) for what felt like eons before finally racing up to our destination.  Once there, after butchering the translation of several medical/ legal documents with the father (explaining things like an Advance Directive to a refugee family in French is most likely beyond me at any time, much less that early in the morning!), I realized that I had yet to hear a response back from the young daughter, the family member who was actually having the operation.  Shyness, perhaps, or nervousness about the upcoming procedure, I wondered?  Or, worse, had she for whatever reason taken an instant disliking to me, or found my French so terrible as to not be deserving of a reply?  After repeated attempts to get through to her continued to fail, suddenly it hit me—she really was not understanding me because she does not speak French!  When I finally made this breakthrough and point-blank asked the father what languages his daughter speaks, he offered that, yes, she only speaks Swahili.  Now, considering that my knowledge of Swahili extends no further than “Jambo,” well, my role as interpreter was becoming more complicated by the minute!
So there we were: me translating for the doctor and nurses to the father in French, the father translating to the daughter in Swahili then back to me in French so that I could translate back to the doctors in English…you get the picture!  To make matters worse, all the while I couldn’t shake the uncomfortable flutterings of anxiety that stirred up within me every time I remembered that this family’s feeling of comfort within this unfamiliar environment was, for the span of those few hours, relatively dependent on me.  Hospitals and operations can feel scary enough, without throwing in the factor of having to trust a young, bleary-eyed girl who had just gotten you lost to adequately relay your questions and concerns to the doctors!  I found myself stumbling over words and phrases that I do actually know, losing some vocabulary entirely—for instance, following the operation, I completely blanked on the word “droplet,” having to settle for “liquid ear medicine” instead until the father supplied the word that was escaping me. 
Nevertheless, we somehow managed to get all the necessary questions asked and answered, so about an hour or so later the father and I were shooed out to the waiting room.  Realizing mid-way into the morning that the father was under the impression that I was a French woman, when I was able to clarify that I am, indeed, American, and one that hasn’t had a good French class in about three years, I noticed almost immediately that his previously rapid-fire speech pace slowed helpfully down to the more lyrical tempo I’d gotten used to in Senegal.  Hearing too that I had spent time in Senegal seemed to open a door between us: “So you’ve seen it, my Africa?” he asked, “That is good.  You must go back.”  Amazingly, as we sat there semi-watching the news program that I could only half-hear and that he could not truly understand, he reached out to me, beginning to share bits and pieces about his family and what it is like being here, concluding, “It is hard, you know, very hard.  When you are a little one, it is easy to forget.  But when you are old, it is hard, very hard.”  As he told me stories and asked questions about my own life, I felt the tension— that suffocating feeling that I might at any moment mess everything up— begin to fade.  Here I was, there to make this family feel more comfortable, internally tallying and kicking myself for every mistake made.  And there he was, extending grace, making me feel comfortable, reminding me that sometimes it’s ok to fail.
In the reading assignment for one of my classes, I came across the idea of the “decentered host,” one who, though in a position of caregiving, falls into a position of receiving care in such a way that allows their guests to become centered instead:
As decentered hosts, we will feel awkward, disempowered, the ones interpreted rather than the ones interpreting, those beheld in uncomfortable ways by the beneficiaries of our regard.  Our own disorientation possibly is the strongest connection we may have to the disoriented ones to whom we attend.  We become more like than unlike them.[1]
And such is the gift of that flustering, wonderful morning: fumbling through my French and feeling a keen sense of having failed the family that I was there to serve, I experienced full-force the beauty of such a reversal of roles in that cold, empty waiting room!  And so, though I surely hope to do a more competent job should another opportunity to interpret arise, I am so thankful for this experience.  Far more than just challenging me to brush up on my medical French (though goodness knows I won’t be forgetting the word for droplet anytime soon!), it pushed me to consider other ways in my life in which I can allow myself to become “un-centered.” 
            The operation was over before we knew it (with post-op instructions thankfully going far more smoothly and seamlessly than the whole process leading up to it), and soon we had the smiling and sleepy daughter back to her home.  Exiting the car, the father shook my hand and thanked me, giving me a perplexed yet happy grin when I thanked him right back.  Little did he know, his is a gift I’ll be holding onto for a long time to come.
A bientôt,
Janelle
PS: If you’re wondering what the picture has to do with the post, the answer is nothing, really.  I stumbled across these miniature houses in a woodsy garden by my place and thought they were too enchanting not to share!     


[1] William Blaine-Wallace, “The Politics of Tears: Lamentation as Justice Making,” Injustice and the Care of Souls.  p. 196. 

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